I used to hold people that could solve them in such high esteem. I imagined that they had some incredible skill or their brains were wired to be able to solve this complex puzzle. They possessed knowledge I would never have and this ability would forever elude me.
I was wrong.
Not about the incredible skill, or that I have managed to wire my brain to solve it. But I was wrong about being unable to learn.
It’s strange that we do that to ourselves.
We doubt our ability to learn.
We have managed to learn 100% of the things we are able to do. From reading and writing to eating, speaking and using the toilet.
Even breathing is a skill that we learnt at the very beginning.
And now when faced with something new we hold ourselves back.
Dancing – oh I’m not that coordinated.
Art – I’m not a creative person.
Even watching makeup videos – I could never do that.
Why?
Why do we restrict our achievements?
It’s fear.
Fear is something else we learn. We learn to fear failure.
We learn that not being good at something fast enough warrants punishment, humiliation and ridicule.
How many of us saw the red pen of shame all over our work. Or the low mark of a test. Even the dreaded ‘see me’ on your homework?
How about peers laughing at our failures, our slip ups?
How do you protect yourself from failure? – you don’t try.
How messed up is that concept.
But the worst part is that we don’t just apply it to skills we see as needing to be learned. We apply it to skills we don’t even know we don’t have.
There is a learning ladder –
Unconscious Incompetence – You don’t know what you don’t know. You aren’t aware that you are no good at it, as you may not even be aware that it is a skill that exists.
Conscious Incompetence – You know you aren’t any good at it, but may be under the belief that it is not within your capabilities to learn.
Conscious Competence – You know that you can do it, but it takes awareness and concentration. You may slip into subconscious habbits.
Unconscious Competence – You now have the skill and can implement it without conscious thought or effort.
We live so much of our lives in unconscious incompetence until we are made aware of the skills we lack.
This isn’t just physical skills, but also our emotional skills.
How many of us just accept life the way it is, because we aren’t aware that the improvement of our lives lives within learnable skills.
Confidence is something we are aware of but often dismiss it as a gift bestowed on others ‘She has so much confidence’, ’I wish I had her confidence’. Sound familiar?
Confidence is a skill, it is a thought pattern. And just like learning other skills, it comes from taking the first step and deciding to learn.
From having the confidence to speak up in a meeting to having the confidence in wearing what feels good.
I know I can teach others and so that is what I do. I love sharing information and helping people uncover new layers in themselves.
I love seeing the change in those I help.
If you are ready to step into the next phase of your life, with your head held high then contact me. I would be delighted to guide you.
Take care of yourself,
Louise